By Omenge Nyamato
How can I finesse this without being brutal! There is no other way. Being Jobless after a life time of constant work is something you would not wish on your worst enemy. You give it terms, you call it, in between jobs, striking out on your own, consulting! The funniest thing is your phone. It goes deathly silent! All those people who used to call, to beg you, sweet talk you, flatter you….seek your wisdom…most of them stop calling you anymore. They move on and that signals your initial sudden slide into irrelevance. You move from a sense of hopelessness asking why? Why? To waking up feeling bitter and betrayed and you want your revenge! After a while you just start feeling envious and you ask, “why me?”
Then strange things start happening. Angels come in disguise. People you never imagined were your friends send you notes, texts, they check up on you. They do not judge….Then that bloody thing that has killed more people than Malaria appears! That thing is called hope! Nothing is more toxic than hope it tantalizes, it seduces you and then it fails you. It tells you tomorrow ! tomorrow ! then tomorrow comes and goes and nothing happens.
Soon those things you picked with such ease from supermarket shelves, or ordered casually from restaurant menus, absent mindedly put into the shopping cart in up market malls. Those things start to mock you and now you have to pose…think hard and move on ! You nervously stare at the till as the numbers total up and each payment you make drives you closer to poverty.
Usually it is the youngest child you have that has the most wisdom. He asks you, “Daddy why are you home? Daddy why don’t we go to XYZ anymore? Daddy what happened to your job?” Eventually the blame begins softly. Are you looking they ask ? Mothers God bless them….God bless them ! Are the worst….they pray for you and go tell all their friends and your neighbours….you wonder why everyone looks at you with such sad eyes. Soon you learn that the most painful feeling in the world is not despair…the most painful feeling on earth is Pity ! You look for work, you send emails, visit people…you start a business. That business always fails ! Always fails because somehow everything seems to fail….
You drop low….very very low. And when it seems completely and totally useless….those angels appear and lift you up. Your family still loves you…nothing can diminish you in their eyes.
Almost dying twice and then being jobless is the best thing to ever happen to me….it has taught me the purpose of living. It has made me fearless. I have found rock bottom and I have survived. I have learned that your worst fear…is just a fear. Suns still rise, smiles are still the best thing. People are the best and people are also the worst ! At some point everyone will betray you ! Everyone will betray you ! But not everyone meant to betray you…they are all just too busy looking out for themselves…..absorbed in their own challenges.
Their success and their failure you realize are part of their journey. What happens to you is not their responsibility. You learn something called God’s time. That time is not tomorrow. That time is the actual test of now. The despair, the anger, the urge to change, the hopelessness, the dry futility of daily prayer. All those things make you become the most dangerous sort of person. The person who finally discovers themselves and in defeat becomes completely unbeatable !
You lose all joy and then eventually after life strips you of all your vanities and titles and arrogance and importance. After all that ! It works out in the end ! And you realize all those angels that appeared were sent to save you…
It all works out in the end…