I refuse to be part of your wedding committee


By Okal Yogo

Dear Friend,

I refuse to be part of your wedding committee. I got your invitation card to the committee. I see you quoted an amount that I am expected to contribute. I must say that I feel honored that you remember me. It has been years since the last time we poke. I remember we used to be in the same school, and we recently befriended each other on whatsapp.

However, friend, I must say that this came as a surprise to me.
You see, I am unable to afford a wife myself. I have been planning to get a lady and head to the Attorney General chambers. I hear it will cost me very little money.

I see that your wife is trying to keep up with the Kardashians. It is a dream wedding that she wants. If you are able to afford that, my
friend, it will be a very good thing to do. But, kindly do not tie me to financial obligations when mine are choking me.

The current economic times have put a rope around everyone’s neck. I cannot afford 10,000/- as contribution towards your wedding.
I am willing, more than willing to be a service provider- to oversee pitching of tents, directing guests to the sitting places, showing them the little rooms, collecting gifts. I am willing to attend the committee to pray for your marriage. I am willing to attend your wedding. I am willing to do all this. Friends need friends. But friends do not exploit friends.

I saw a facebook group you had created earlier as well- something about a goat eating party in preparation for pre-wedding. You will forgive me, because the first thing I thought was: what a money collecting idea! I could push myself and bring you a gift on your wedding day.

It is a noble thing to do. However, I will not buy you a wife, help you wed her in an expensive ceremony, then stock your house. I always tell people to live within their means. I know you will thank me someday. If you cannot afford your wife’s dream wedding, and you give it to her still, what happens when she is about to deliver, and she needs a dream delivery at the Aga Khan? Will you call us for an emergency ‘my-wife-is-delivering’ committee? When the kid wants to go to school and has to go to Kianda School, will you call us in as well?

The world has needier people, and more deserving causes!

All I am saying is a wedding, a luxurious one in this case is not for you if you cannot afford three quarter of the money required. If I were a bad person, I would have told you not to ask me to help you marry because I am not gonna sleep with her. But see, I explained myself as politely as I could.

Do not put me in that damn wedding committee.

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